


Of Sacrifices and Survivors

by syredronning



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-12 20:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21482473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syredronning/pseuds/syredronning
Summary: He came to offer condolences, but nobody wanted them. Post-TMP missing scene.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 3





	Of Sacrifices and Survivors

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Stephen's Challenge of May 2008 in ASCEM – "These Honored" with the Deckers. Sorry if it's not quite the way the challenge has been intended, but Mrs. Decker didn't feel up to eulogies tonight.

He'd walked up these stairs before, red and white marble in a random pattern. In fact, it'd been only four years ago, right after their return to Earth. Nothing had changed - though maybe, now that he looked a little closer, there were little signs of neglect on the old, small house at the edge of San Francisco. Nothing big, just a tad of paint missing, some flowers dead, some bird excrements on the handrail – little things, but telling things.

He reached for the bell next to the name plate with "Decker" on it, but the door opened faster. A slim, short woman stood in it, her white hair and pale face a stark contrast to her dark clothes.

She hadn't been that white the last time.

He cleared his throat. "Kathleen –"

"Jim Kirk," she said tonelessly. "What do you want? Haven't you done enough already to my family?"

He reached out to her, his body one gesture of apology.

"I came to offer my condolences. I'm so sorry, Kathleen. You can't believe just how sorry I am. I didn't want that to happen."

She eyed him, head to toe and up again. Took in his uniform and squirmed as she recognized the admiralty's insignia. "I warned Will you'd want the Enterprise back. I told him not to trust you. God knows what he saw in you."

"He was my friend."

"No, he wasn't." She smiled bitterly. "He was a competitor. He was the young, upcoming captain. All that you've left behind, he was. And you couldn't bear that."

"You must have read the report," he said. "He wanted to do that. I didn't declare him dead, he's missing in –"

"Oh shut up, Jim," she snaps. "I remember when Matt brought you here before you even became captain. He was so proud of having you here as a guest. Will wasn't much younger than you, but you were already moving up the ladder. A stellar reputation. Everyone knew you'd be the one getting that crazy five-year-mission assignment. And they even all trusted you to come back. They just didn't realize that this meant others had to die for that."

He was stone-faced by now, his back ramrod straight. "Do you imply that I sacrificed Matt on behalf of my career?" he said, his voice flat and controlled.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Not Matt. But Will."

"I admit I wanted the Enterprise back. Yes, I did. And I made mistakes. But he joined with V'Ger because of Ilia, not because of anything I did." He lowered his head. "He's the mission's true hero, not I."

"So what?" she said. "You're alive, back in your old seat with a new medal on your chest. But he's gone forever. Fathers, sons, I don't know what it is with Starfleet that pulls you all into it. After Matt's death, Will was only more determined to make it to captaincy as soon as possible. He wanted to prove something. Just like you did."

"My father died when I was twelve. There wasn't much I could prove him."

"He died in the service. I know the story. And of course you had to follow in his footsteps. If you never had gone to space, maybe…"

"Danger is our business. Matt and Will knew that." He was tired and emotionally exhausted. It hadn't been his doing that Will had sacrificed himself, but he'd done nothing to prevent it. It hadn't been his doing either that Matt had turned crazy, but it had been for a good cause because without it, Spock may never have found the Doomsday's machine weak spot.

They hadn't died solely for him, but he lived because of their sacrifices, that much was true.

"The service is tomorrow," he said. "Everyone will attend."

"I hate these ceremonies," she whispered. "What good do they do?"

"It is our way to say thank you and honor him. To remember how he lived and what he fought for. He believed in Starfleet. He was proud to serve."

"I know. Just like his father." She wiped her cheek, although he couldn't see a tear. Suddenly, her eyes strayed from him down to the street. Someone walked towards them, a young woman in a summer blouse and skirt. 

"Amily, my dear," Kathleen said and opened the door farther. 

The woman eyed the guest as she walked up the stairs, and he introduced himself. It sent a dark shadow across her face. "What does he want here?" she asked Kathleen, ignoring him.

"Offering his condolences," the older woman replied.

"What does he care," Amily muttered and passed him. Only now he saw that she was pregnant.

"Was it his child?" he asked in shock as the young woman had vanished into the house. "I thought…"

"It was supposed to be a surprise. Now he'll never know." Kathleen shifted position, and he knew she'd close the door on him any second.

"Just another kid that will grow up without his Starfleet father," she said coldly. "But I hope that you won't be around once he's old enough to sign up and sacrifice himself for that overblown propaganda machinery. And don't you dare deliver the eulogy tomorrow, or we'll stand up and leave."

The door closed with vehemence, leaving him shut out. He stood there for a moment, memorizing the sharp taste of guilt on his tongue before he turned and went down the stairs, red and white marble leading the way for the renowned savior of Earth. 

***


End file.
